Link to my artists book in The Tate special archive of artists books. The Tate is the national museum for historic and contemporary art in the UK My artists book
My art website https://russellhand.com
Even when I was at school I wondered what made so many people unhappy or even miserable. How to make the world a better place. I thought art could help, I still do. As thought, education and knowledge can. Then… “Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.” ― Bertrand Russell
Since I can remember, since at least 5 years old I have always been curious and interested in ideas, thought, knowledge, art, truth, ecology, history, science, not gossip lies opinion ego, unfortunately many people are not like this.
My artist book in The Tate special archive of artists books. Tate
My other blogs;
Few examples of my photography https://photography.russellhand.com
Thundering 2 https://artist.russellhand.com
https://russellhandartist.wordpress.com
This is my FaceBook, though I do not add people, in fact I deleted most of the people on there. Also as some people seem to doubt I am the same person on there as the artist that has their artist book in The Tate special archive of artists books, as I do and am.
I was on the underground the other day and a woman sat down next to me who got on at Camden Town. I asked her if one could change between northern line trains there as it seemed to say only at certain times. She said she did not know as she was only in Camden doing a music event. Difficult to hear sometimes with the noise the tube makes… She then explained she was a classical music composer, which interested me as I love music, and mentioned some contemporary composers who music I have listened to since I was a teenager, Philip Glass, Steve Reich, systems music, and silence man, could not remember his name, which she supplied John Cage, not always good with names. We then talked some more about music. She, O I should say Holly, said as I mentioned quite a lot of other music, said “You know a lot about music, are you a musician ?” I said No though I do love music I am an artist, though I have known a lot of musicians or randomly end up in conversations with them. I told her my name and the name of my art website before getting off the train/tube to change. It was not Holly’s music event in Camden as she explained she was doing the events organisation for another musician / composer… Though she also told me, that she was also currently doing a PhD in music at Trinity Laban. Would be good if she dropped me a line, always pleased to meet interesting people that I have things in common with. But it also made me think afterwards who gets on the London Underground and meets a classical composer… me obviously… Then sitting in a semi-suburban coffee shop in London, I have met a lovely woman that run her own charity and in to Mindfulness, Kate a sixty something woman who is also wonderful who is a book editor, writer, has coached someone for a TEDx talk, a mentor, has proof read and edited 24 PhD papers for people and numerous other things, that are positive in the world. A computer scientist who works for among others NASA, Google etc… An architect that had all her study paid for by a global company as she is so good, who is also part of a Google group. A woman setting up her own business, also does financial services and finishing her masters, another young woman who is just finishing and writing her dissertation for her Bio-medical degree, who also happens to model and be a beauty queen for her country. A philosophy lecturer who when I first spoke to them was finishing a chapter for the University Press Cambridge. A number of actors and actresses, including one that has appeared in a Netflix production. An ex nurse who has just got a new job, interesting as she realises she is an ongoing project not a finished article, something many people do not understand or have any interest in continual improvement… A number of lovely Persian women… and so many others… Then it is amazing who one can meet almost anywhere… All wonderful people with good hearts…
Then I seem to have spent a lot of my life meeting or knowing very interesting people, and things like meeting interesting people seems to happen a lot… When I was at my last art school I met up with an old friend in Camden and the bar we went into was busy, and we shared a table with a man and woman. I ended talking to the woman for sometime, a musician. I eventually asked if I should know who she was, she said “You might, Neneh Cherry.” I laughed and said yes I have some of the music you have done in the past with different bands. Though at the time we met and spoke, she was a solo pop star, and rather famous… Not they was something to me, never been ‘star struck’, more the wonderful conversation…
Then meeting anyone with a good heart, whatever they do is always a pleasure….
Talking to some people the other day… They asked how old I was… I replied ancient… They laughed and said you cannot be that old 35-36 years tops… I laughed and said that will do… Then someone the other week over heard and misheard my date of birth and said somewhat shocked you are 65… I laughed at that too… and said if you like… I usually only say my date of birth to officials or for official purposes… That usually causes enough laughter… Believe as no body ever seems to believe it…
Yesterday I noticed a lot of people agitated around me… I was wearing a blue Irish linen suit… a black bandana and my Caterpillar motorbike boots… The ones I was wearing the evening I was assaulted by a member of the Guardia Civil in Spain for no reason… One guy in particular on the London Underground, eastern European maybe, Romanian, Albanian or maybe Italian or Spanish… seemed extremely upset and kept talking in an agitated way to his girlfriend and looking at me and my boots… All very strange… Also going round the British Museum and elsewhere there did seem to be a ‘ripple’ as I went around… Me I always like to travel quietly… Though I do hate lies… and am not too impressed by stupid people…
On a more fun note… spoke to a lovely retired woman on the bus 2 days ago… Born in Africa, grew up and spent most of her life in England… In fact she told me she arrived in England, one day old… I thought when we first started speaking she was from the Caribbean… She corrected me… She retired back to where she was born in Africa… and set up a charity, not that she is rich as she told me… but every little helps… a raindrop one at a time… makes and ocean…
The same day 2 days ago I popped into a hotel to use their toilet… and had to walk through the restaurant, and while I was a waiter was coming the other way and I almost walked into a dark beauty with some very nice curves, who looked a little panicked seeing me almost walk into to her and for some reason looked down at my camera… which I was carrying… After going to use the toilet, I stopped by her table and apologised if I upset her, she gave me a huge smile and said No, she was an Italian… One of those ones with dark flashing eyes, black hair and olive skin… and a flashing white smile… Should have really asked to take a photograph of her… as with all big cities will probably never run across her again…
Then about a month ago… I was walking along the Marylebone Road in central London and a group of women stopped me and asked how to get to the Sherlock Holmes Museum… I gave them directions and they told me they were Greek… A group of attractive women I should have also photographed… early 20’s… They were so lovely and thanked me so much for my help… They were from Athens in Greece… and as I had a ‘strange’ time, the last time I was there, it put a smile on my face meeting such lovely women from Athens, that were so friendly… I am sure the next time I am in Athens I will be treated how I usually am… especially in Greece, which is very well, like an honoured guest…
I was invited and went to an old friends opening yesterday… Nic Fiddian-Green’s exhibition opening at Sladmore Gallery 57 Jermyn Street London… It shows Nic’s work from a student through till today… his connection to the Parthenon Marbles (Elgin Marbles) & Rodin… Nic is a very old friend… and in fact has always been one of the good friends that helps one… He is a good human being… When I was at Chelsea Nic let me have the spare room in his flat in Pimlico for free… And at the time Nic’s best friend, who I was also friends with, was Gus Christie… Gus Christie of Glyndebourne yes… I also knew Hec his older brother, though not well… and their sister. We had lots of fun and fine times together… Though I did not see Gus at the show, I did see Nic’s sister but did not say hello as I was never sure if she liked me… Also because I was waiting to talk to Nic, his wife and maybe his sister when the show quieted down…
Though friends come to openings it is also business and I did not want to interrupt… Nic is a brilliant classical / contemporary sculptor… And if you pass Marble Arch you will see a monumental sculpture of his next to it… A giant horses head… bit difficult to miss… O the woman in the shot I hear you say… Well I spoke to a few of the people working at the event… who all turned out to be fashion… visual merchandisers at Topshop by day and events workers by the light of evening… I did mention to one of them about LinkedIn, and said about connecting with me asI had shot fashion and had lots of fashion connections on there. Got a strange reaction, as she turned around and said “O you are the go to man are you ?” In a rather unpleasant way. I said no, but if you want to connect you could always look through my connections and try ad connect with them. I heavily suspect she twisted what I said intentionally and then probably badmouthed me to the other events workers and maybe her boss, who was there and use to work for the gallery. There are some neurotic unpleasant people in fashion no matter how attractive they are, you know the kind, bitchy, lying and backstabbing. This woman though… Well I noticed her as she entered… Style and poise… a certain elegance that stood out in the crowd… Though I did not talk to her for a long time after seeing her… It was not that I did not want to, but thought it better I be quiet there, as it was not my show… But eventually I found her impossible to resist and we started speaking… A lovely woman with a sad tale… As you can tell from the photograph we spoke, laughed, I accidentally spilt some wine on her dress… I was slightly nervous… not so much speaking to her… but seeing Nic, as it had been time… She did not make me nervous but made my heart sing… as it does talking to a lovely beautiful intelligent stylish woman… Though for reasons I cannot fathom after I took this photograph I was asked to leave… not by her or she wanted me too… I took it with this lovely woman’s permission and smile… and sadly I do not have her contact details, as I would love to talk to her / see her again… Can you blame me… Nothing to do with Nic… We spoke outside briefly afterwards… She did tell me her name but out of all the conversation we had, it is somehow the silent part… I am terrible with names… 25th April 2018… Talking to a lovely woman and spurned by fate… The exhibition is well worth going to see… In fact I would recommend going to the British Museum to see the the Rodin and Parthenon Marbles and then to Nic’s show to see Rodin & Nic Fiddian-Green’s work… Also if anyone has sympathy for me in my plight maybe this lovely woman’s contact details or rather herself getting in touch with me if she wants too… But if she does not so be it…
Some people might claim I am volatile… But I hardly ever lose my temper… and considering I have had idiots mess me around when I was not sure if my mother would live or die… Then for the last 3 years or so have been hassled and harassed by morons and generally ‘toxic’people… because of another bunch of lying ‘toxic’ people lying about me… including ex’s, women who hit on me, who I had not the least interest in… The police who seem to not actually check or investigate anything, but listen to any lying arsehole on social media with a sob story… or anywhere else. Well I think I have been rather patient… I mean walking down the street harassed by trash… walking past… in their cars and even sitting quietly in a coffee shop trying to write… I do realise how sad and twisted these people are… and their children from what I can gather…probably get it from their parents… Not very impressive… But… There are limits to even my patients… and much of the human race does not seem to be impressive in the least… More sad, bitter, twisted, lying and back stabbing… Me I like people and still do… But no way to bring up your children or act yourself… I would much rather try to think the best of you… But a most of you make it very difficult… 3 years across 3 countries because of lying trash… and treating me badly… Do you have no shame or conscience… and I doubt the future is going to work out well for these kind of people… The Good yes, with good hearts, but the rest… I doubt…
I have had so many hit on me through life I have trouble believing it, and I was there, and that was with the ones that made it obvious, I am not being arrogant, I have never really understood why, and less so when I am not interested that they go from being into me to slagging me off. I have never really hit on women, as I use to just end up in conversations with attractive women. Not magic, a woman looks at you and smiles, and starts talking, rude to ignore an attractive intelligent woman, well you always hope intelligent, as well as attractive, and warm hearted, just talking to someone like that seems to partly restore my belief in humanity. I have spent most of my life trying to disprove some ideas I worked out when I was younger 16 or so, or at least hoping it was just confined to my local area at the time, but nearly everything I have read, and I suppose experienced keeps on reinforcing the idea I was right all that time ago. And in fact I have read research at different times that reinforces it, most people are toxic, in fact they think being toxic is normal, the way they are the way they engage with the world, what they do, then I suppose if 90% of people are toxic it is a ‘normal’ state of most of humanity. Some people might say I am a terrible person, women hitting on me and me often being indifferent, actually no, I am rather wonderful, which is why they get annoyed, because those women being arrogant think if they hit on me, when they are so used to so many men hitting on them, there eithe must be something wrong with me or shock I do not think they are as wonderful as all those men who have lied telling them things like, ‘you are the most beautiful woman in the world’ or some such, and I have actually had women in love with me that could actually be some of the most beautiful women in the world, virtually literary and I would not say that to them unless I was really in love with them, actually then I would not. I would say that I love them and for me they are the most beautiful woman in the world. The reason for this well, how can someone be the most beautiful woman in the world, what people find beautiful varies. And no matter how beautiful they are on the outside does it mean anything if they are not beautiful on the inside. You are seeing some stunning beautiful intelligent woman that pretends to be in love with you, and have a personality like an angel, you know she is lying to you about somethings, what though, then you start to see how toxic she is inside, literary poisonous. You realise she is a pathological liar, you cannot believe someone would lie about some of the things she would, what confuses you even more is that her lies are trying to convince you to be with her. Why lie if she wants to be with you ? She has asked you to marry her. Why, if it is based on lies what foundation is that for a relationship. Several years after she disappeared on you one day, you realise it is her that has been spreading lies and causing you so much trouble, then you get highly suspicious other ex’s have joined in. You also find out that ex has been clinically diagnosed by a psychologist as a pathological liar, narcissist sociopath / psychopath, and you realise she is an active one, not killing people but destroying lives, or driving people to suicide, including her own best friend, the woman she had known for years,, her confident she has told everything to and knows more about her than anyone else. How would I know all this, well a man got in touch with me who knew this ex of mine because she used to live with him as well as her best friend that had just committed suicide because she disappeared on her, what else she did who knows before she disappeared on her best friend. Do I sound like I do not like women, well you would be wrong if you thought so, men are just as bad, some women would say worse, but as 90% of people are toxic, that would also include most women, not just men. I do not really understand people being nasty to each other poisonous and toxic, it seems primitive, I understand intellectually, though I think that might make it worse for me.
I was asked out for a drink by a neighbour, this is 2019, we went to a local pub I am not particularly keen on, he wanted to talk about photography, and it was near so I went along, when we were getting a drink, someone else turned up we knew and started talking to him. I ended up talking to the woman that was serving us. she turned around and asked my name, I laughed and said why I don’t come in here very often ? Which made her laugh, she said I cannot blame you the people that come in here are rude and horrible. I said to you ? She said yes. She was young, pretty, and seemed nice, very personable. We did not speak for long but she said you thought I was very nice, really not like most of the people that drink there. The neighbour the man I went down the pub with, said after she seemed to really like you, and was very attractive. I said I suppose so. He then turned around and said I know you are use to women that look like super models, but she was very attractive. I said why would you think I am used to women that look like super models, the woman behind the bar was 19 years old and had a boyfriend, we would just talking, he still insisted he thought she really seem to like me. I found it more interesting that she really did find most of the people at the pub, rude, miserable and unpleasant, including the men that tried to hit on her when she was working, and yes she was rather attractive, a slender redhead, with a good face nice, with some nice curves and rather from our brief conversation a nice personality. Not because she thought I was a nice person, but she did seem one of the nice person, and I found it interesting that as she worked in a pub, in fact 2, she had told me, both part time, that I was much nicer than most people, which working in a pub, or 2 she meets a lot of people, then that has happens a lot. And as I said to my neighbour having an attractive 19 year old being friendly to me, even if she is serving me a drink in a bar, gets me slagged and lied about by people, especially if they appear to like me, as he observed when we were talking. By both man and women, who gossip lie and say I am a terrible person. How does being liked by an attractive pleasant woman, whether she is 19 or older make me a terrible person ? I have even heard people say when this has happened before I should not be talking to them because I am older. So I walk into a bar and do not talk to the person trying to serve me, how do I get a drink ? Then I ask for a drink and they start talking to me, and that makes me a terrible person ? This this has even happened when the women serving me can hardly speak any English but wants to talk to me, who was serving me a drink and was actually stunning and very sexy, in fact every time I went in the bar that was travelling on the Greek Islands in 2015 while I was on Samos, the woman told me her name in English would be Angel, and she would tell me more about herself and her life if she spoke more English, and I think she was somewhere between 20 to 25 years old, again obviously my fault some lovely woman was to talk to me and I should ignore them and be rude to them, they would go down well and probably get me slagged off by them as well as the toxic bitter people they seem to want to say I am terrible. So I am charming, intelligent, articulate, some very attractive women find me attractive and that makes me a terrible person. Or when I actually go out with some woman that I think is nice, and find attractive, then gradually realise it is only skin deep, or they are not as nice and pleasant as they purport to be, that makes me a terrible person. There are good people and let say some not so nice people in the world, it has nothing to do with whether they are men or women, nothing to do with whether religious or not, nothing to do with what race or colour they are, but they do seem, the good, to be very much in minority. I mean intrinsically good to do with the underlaying structure, way of being and thinking in the world. There are so many foul, toxic lying people in the world that do not realise they are, as they think gossiping, lying, backstabbing about people is what life is about and what people do, or many do not seem to be intelligent enough that they actually understand that what they are doing and think the lies they spread are real and not lies, in their opinion which is not based or any knowledge, truth, thought, deductive reasoning or anything else, and even when shown proof and evidence they are spreading lies, misinformation they do not understand or believe it, convinced their opinion is more valid than any proof, science, truth, thought or that their twisted perception is the correct one.
What do most people spend their lives talking about, art, poetry, science, philosophy, novels, thought ? I know I do, about the awe and wonder of life. But I also do realise most people do spend most of their life gossiping, moaning, lying and ‘bitching’ about other people. That they are also petty, jealous, nasty and mean and life is so unfair because they are not any good at anything much, or intelligent, and while admiring some people that are, actually hate them as well or anyone else that actually is truly good at things, or think anyone can do that, which they can’t, just copy someone that already has. It might seem I have a dim view of humanity as a whole, but think that these are the reasons humanity and the planet are in the mess they are, I mean if they majority of the human race are toxic, poisonous, selfish, egoistic, narcissistic, and think some god is going to come and save them, no wonder the planet is turning toxic for all life.
Now talking about this is, is that any better, well I write beautiful poetry, paint amazing paintings, sculpt beautiful philosophical sculptures, make art philosophy art installations that make people think and open up the world to them, take amazing photographs and all that gets me slagged off and lied about by people, not everyone, or people saying I could do that. Which has been going on at least ever since I first went to art school, by my lecturers at first not by my fellow students. I am also extremely intelligent, now I believe in equality, and equity, but I cannot make someone else as intelligent as I am, I cannot make them as creative or imaginative, I could teach them technical skills but that is not the same thing. I could suggest they read books so they had more knowledge and insight, which would also make them appreciate life more, or should do, the awe and wonder of existence. I actually do not think telling everyone they are amazing or can do anything is that helpful or a very good idea, because most people are not amazing and cannot do anything, they can learn more and become better people, everyone can. But they cannot do anything, cannot be like Leonardo da Vinci no matter how much they learn and practise, they cannot be Albert Einstein, or Marie Curie. They can try, they can be the best of what they can be, but to expect most people to be a wonder, or far more intelligent or creative than they actually are does them no good nor society or the world. I can do many things, and supposed to be brilliant at some things, but I cannot do everything, and I can always learn more, understand more, gain more knowledge, update the knowledge I have. Does that sound arrogant, wrong, I have my artists book in The Tate special archive of artists books. Most artists alive or dead with never have that. In fact virtually no artist will. My artist book is suppose to be a piece of art in its own right, then I am an artist and made it, it has my art, writing, poetry, photography in, I got it professionally bound as I am not a book binder, I could learn but it is not my main thing and I am sure they the people that bound my book did it better than I could.
Now imagine you are one of the most brilliant people on the planet at the things you do. Sounds good to you. Then try to understand how many people will hate you for it. Especially someone that is a pathological liar, narcissist sociopath / psychopath, more so if they want to be able to do what you can, but can’t because they have none of the talents or skills needed, and even wanting to be with you, and them, her being stunning beautiful, does not work, because of what she is like. You can imagine how much she might want to destroy you, how far she will go, how far she will lie and badmouth you. Then even people who are not pathological liars and psychopaths will lie about you and try to fuck your life up, so imagine, pissing off a women who is a pathological liar, narcissist sociopath / psychopath who has a habit of trying to destroy ex partners lives.
Friday the 13th, 19-09-2019, walking down to get some shopping. Get to the lights where I need to cross the road as just as I get there a line of motorbikes across the lanes start revving their motorbikes till they are screaming, not that that unusual or coincidence, as it keeps up while I am crossing the road than stops, I turn road as I am on the island in the middle of the road and say to the nearest biker, “Keep revving the bike, seems to be a sign of no balls and a little prick”. O he is looking at me and listening. I think they think they are cool or something, just shows what little pricks they are. Not sure if it is to do with some of my ex’s, particularly Arielle De Lacy / Ava De Lacy that trashy clinically diagnosed pathological liar, narcissist, sociopath / psychopath. Or Brexit, as I have been vocally against the stupidity since it was first spoken of. Ecology and my opinion on sustainability, racism, after all I have had racism from white people, black people, Indian people (which would include Pakistani, and Bangladeshi), Middle Eastern, Chinese people, and just about everyone else, after all as has been mentioned by people I have known in my past I am a bit like the UN, I like beautiful intelligent women of all races and colours. It could be because of the miserable, idiotic, ignorant lying people in a particular area of Spain. Then it could be because I have had beautiful women who were pop stars, fashion models, actresses, and beautiful women in general hit on me at different times in my life. Could be because I agree with science and evolution etc… Could be all of the above, I have had little pricks hassling me on motorbikes, cars, vans, etc while walking down the street, driving since at least 2015, and probably earlier, just did not realise what it was about or that it was particularly aimed at me. I have known little pricks that ride motorbikes like the ones today, since I was at school, was also being hassled by Hells Angels more little pricks on motorbikes, ‘choppers’. Well, have be hassled by the police as well, not all but more little pricks. Still little pricks though. Never quite got the whole motorbike thing, though have been known to ride one, but some who do think they are cool or rebels, no just little pricks. Though I know some women like motorbikes as they are like giant vibrators, the vibrations you know, and they can be fun to ride, just like most things though, too many little pricks do. Then just like beautiful women come in all shapes, sizes and colours so do little pricks well they ride motorbikes or not. Though the little pricks have probably been masturbating over some of my ex’s or the women that have hit on me, who have then slagged me off because I was not interested.
“Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results.” Margaret Atwood
And I do believe Margaret Atwood might be onto something there…
A few years after leaving art school / university after I came back from living in mainland Europe I went to an art opening. A few women seemed to be being friendly though I saw 2 people from my course. So I spoke to them and asked if they would like to go for a drink after the show. They said yes so we went to a nearby pub. I bought the man and woman a drink. Then after we got our drinks and sat down the women turned around to me and said this. ‘I would like to smash this bottle of larger in your face. Everyone from uni knows what a nice person I am and nobody would blame me. I hate you and people like you, so good at what you, do art, so charming, so well dressed, so intelligent and articulate. Well spoken educated, and such good manners. And so many women like you (one being Alison Goldfrapp later of the band Goldfrapp, who I was at art school / uni with and made very clear just how much and in what way she liked me.) Not only do I want to smash this bottle in your face but I would then grind the broken shards in.’
Now this woman was / had been a nurse, a ward sister from what I remember, I had hardly ever spoken to her when we were at uni, she was 2 years below me and not very interesting or intelligent. What I find interesting and still do was that she though she was a nice person, she meant a good person and that everyone else would think smashing a bottle of larger I had bought for her was good. I mean, bitter twisted jealous nasty malignant and sad yes I can see she was that, but nice or good, can’t really see that. Just because someone does a job like nurse doctor or carer, does not mean they are good people. I have met a few people doing these kinds of jobs that are truly revolting people, though they seem to think doing these kinds of jobs make people thik they are good. Her being a good example though others as well, apart from nurses, doctors, carers etc… others including teachers, lecturers other artists writers poets, fashion and art people, solicitors and barristers and even a few psychologists I have met socially and numerous others I have met. Dysfunctional nasty and malicious, even the odd historian trying to rewrite history to make them and people like them seem different from the nasty malicious people they are.
To be hated and subject to lies abuse and even false accusations by people just because I was liked by some and thought of as brilliant.
Statistically apparently more men lie than women though in my experience more women I have met lie more than men, and also tend to be far more malicious. Most men like this seem to want to punch me in or generally attack me, which in some ways seems more straight forward. Where as women seem to want to lie and poison people around me.
So many toxic lying people in the world, I have been many places and think there must be more people than not that are good people, unfortunately I have not found it so. Far more toxic people than anything else.
It does amaze me in many ways to see so many people, men women and children, hate talented educated well spoken people. Which just screams how thuggish jealous nasty lying malicious and insecure they are. And just very sad people.
One of my sisters Janet is a great example of this lying manipulative bullying malicious and nasty. She pretends to be a nice person though that isn’t even skin deep. You constantly tried to manipulate my mother and get her to do what she wanted. Where as I always asked my mother what she wanted. Then because of that my sister tried to get me out of the way why she tried to bully and manipulate my mother. My mother would then ask me if she had to do what Janet wanted, I always relied no, you can do what you want. Because of that my mother and my brother Paul were never very happy to see my mother. After my mother had a brain tumour and survived her operation, after I said to my sister Janet who always use to help me to ask me to help her. I to Janet said my main priority is mother. She then use to say ‘I know I am not your priority but could you help me with this.’ I use to find this quite sick and really off but Janet didn’t seem to have a problem saying this or continually trying to manipulate my mother. And if I did not go along with what Janet wanted she use to accuse me of hating women. See Janet always claimed she was a feminist and has a phd though she had no problem trying to manipulate my mother another woman and try to bully her.
Then we could go to Arielle De Lacy / Ava De Lacy or her real name Gemma Lacey who is a psychologically clinically diagnosed liar sociopath / psychopath and narcissist and her parents princess, and lie about accuse and even try to cause people to suicide by destroying their lives with lies. A sick and twisted person. Now so many people try to make excuses for her and people like her because she is mentally ill very attractive and not to blame for her actions, also because she is not white so has suffered. Really because she is not white she can falsely accuse people of things by lying or cause them to commit suicide. She was obsessed with suicide and continually threaten to kill herself if people did not comply with her wishes.
Then the whole I am not white and suffer racist so can do what I like and lie about anyone is a scam. I was asked if I thought she was a prostitute by a person who knew a photographer who worked with her. I said I do not know. Though saying that I think a prostitute has more ethics morals and truth than her as she wanted things from people and was sleeping with lots of different men and if they did not give her what she wanted would then try to destroy their lives. Where as I understand a prostitute is quite honest and upfront and has a business mind set which is sex for money, whether they are female or male which is far more honest.
Lots of people have listened to Arielle de Lacy and seem to believe her irrespective of how she has been correctly diagnosed and several people have had their lives ruined or killed themselves because of her, including one of her female friends. Now saying friend, she is a sociopath / psychopath so has no feelings or remorse or friends, just people to manipulate or use. Usually by telling them she will kill herself if they will not do what she wants. Now if that does not make her low life scum and her psychological problems mute I do not know what does.
When I mentioned about the nurse sister telling what a nice a nice person she was after telling me she wanted to smash a bottle in my face and grind in in was a true story. In fact she was proud of the whole situation. I did tell a friend of mine about it when it happened, James who was at art school uni with me. He asked what I had done, I said nothing apart from buy them a drink. The interesting thing about that was a supposed friend of mine seemed to think I had done something rather than it was them even though he knew I was brilliant and already knew people were slagging me off for that.
As for the whole someone being a nurse carer doctor etc and being a good person because of it. I had met many carers nurse doctors etc who are and really care, then I have met a number that are appalling foul mouth lying people I would not them look after a cat.
Now I grew up being a liberal and hating the idea of saying anything bad about anyone and even though the things I knew people could be helped. Though I knew that people are genetically predisposed to being something or another. Like some people are predisposed to having brown eyes rather than blue, some people are predisposed to being violent and or sociopaths / psychopaths and or pathological liars than others. Probably my greatest weakness is hoping people can be better and trying to encourage that, even knowing what I do. Also the thing that seems to have got me in more trouble in life than anything else, well trouble in the sense of lied about and slagged off.
A large number of people I have mentioned about ex’s lying about their ex’s, I am told that happens all the time. I as far as I was concerned thought if it didn’t work out then that was the past and best forgotten. A naive point of view some seem to think. Now most of my ex’s seem to think I was the one. I wasn’t convinced I was or wanted to be their one. The more they supposedly cared about me the more it now appears they lie about me and want to destroy everything about me. A large number of men and some women have told me that is normal for a woman to do. Not my kind of world or rather one I want to be involved in. The same goes for women that have hit on me I wasn’t interested in, and them then slagging me off. Though most of the time I was quite oblivious I was being hit on. I was use to women stating very clearly what there intentions were, which I thought made it clear exactly how. Not having a drink with someone or talking I was used to having drinks with people / women and just thought we were acquaintances, for work or as friends. Makes me wonder about now what they were intending. One thing I mention to a woman I was talking to the other day was saying to nearly every woman I was actually in a relationship with at one time or another that we both know you are lying though I do not see how that helps our relationship or it going somewhere. Her jaw sort of dropped. I take it that is a bad thing to say in a relationship, though not sure how things are suppose to proceed if I know I am being lied to. I can’t remember a woman I was in a relationship ever saying I was lying as I don’t. Then one could say I am a bit too honest, though not sure how I am suppose to have a successful relationship with someone I know is lying to me, even if they admit they are and then start lying again. And my trying to walk away they have always made difficult about how much they love me etc. Then if they love me so much and want to be with me maybe not lie to me. Then them saying how much they love me is surely just another form of manipulation. As as I just said if they love me so much why lie to me and try to manipulate me.
Many years ago while talking to Eve a friend and art model I had worked with I told her I thought I was getting trouble aimed at me because someone was spreading lies about me, she asked who I said Arielle de Lacy, she later got back to me telling me that if it was her nobody would believe anything she said as she was known internationally as a liar. She sent me a link. This was back in 2014, this was the link she sent me. It was for a site called pretty ugly liars…
https://pretty uglylittleliar.net/topic/3033-ava-de-lacy
Arielle had obviously changed her name, and though I had not looked for her Eve did. She also mentioned that she thought it was a french model that had been spreading lies, and Arielle or Ava as she became was not french. Now I had only worked with one french model who the only reason I worked with her was she had long legs and arms for no other reason now if she was spreading malicious lies about me that would be a bad joke. As would any of the modes I had worked with, after all being an artist who works with models that was part of my work not my social life. Also both Arielle / Ava and the french model were rather introverted and neurotic. Thinking back nearly all the models were like that also vain and narcissistic, probably why they were art models or wanted to work with me on my art. I knew Arielle was a liar when I worked with her, just not exactly how much of one. I t was later that I was informed that she really had been sectioned with the polices knowledge and been clinically diagnosed as a pathological liar, narcissist and sociopath / psychopath.
Eve always liked me and we had many interesting discussions when we worked together and she told me many things about herself.
What I never realised until recently, that not only many models were incredibly vain / narcissistic malicious and lying but so many other people were whether warranted or not are. That link does not work anymore as the whole site was taken down.
I still do not understand how so many people are so vain and narcissistic as many have no reason to be, also if they were truly good or amazing at what they do or are they would would be confident not arrogant.
I mean I am a world class artist and have also had 2 world famous and very attractive pop stars hit on me in the past and I have always been confident not arrogant. Then though many famous writers and thinkers have mentioned about so many people thinking they are much more than they are and toxic lying and malicious, I still always looked for the best in people though was always left sadly disappointed. Also since I had world famous very attractive pop stars very interested how many people would I find of interest. Also having mixed with famous artist actors and many others that were similar. Then peoples vanity and toxicity seems to know no bounds. Even most of the MENSA people I had met seemed to think I was at least as intelligent as them if not more so. I met a man some time back around 2020 who was accepted by MENSA though didn’t join for a number of reasons who told me that they were not all they are made out to be, and again thought I was very intelligent.
I don’t think that Alison Goldfrapp would lie about hitting on me. Then Baby Spice I am not sure about about as do not know her. Then lots of other people are lying about things.
Gossip is the refuge of the weak minded, shallow intelligence
and those that exist rather than live.
Those with time on their hands and no real thoughts to think.
And more often than not has virtually no connection with the truth.
That is why it is gossip rather than fact.
Russell Hand ©® 2026
“Yes, mobile phones and the internet can make people less intelligent by reducing our ability to concentrate, think critically, and remember information, as they often serve as cognitive crutches that discourage independent thinking. Studies show that the mere presence of a smartphone can negatively impact cognitive performance and social interactions.
Impact of Mobile Phones on Intelligence
Cognitive Performance
Mobile phones and the internet can diminish our cognitive abilities in several ways:
- Reduced Concentration: The presence of a smartphone can distract users, leading to decreased focus on tasks. Studies indicate that even when phones are silent, their proximity can lower cognitive performance.
- Cognitive Crutches: Smartphones often serve as tools that reduce the need for independent thinking. People may rely on them for quick answers instead of engaging in critical thinking or problem-solving.
Memory and Learning
- Memory Impairment: Research shows that individuals who keep their phones nearby tend to remember less information compared to those who do not. This suggests that smartphones can interfere with our ability to retain and recall information.
- Learning Transfer: Learning through digital devices may not translate well to real-world applications. For instance, information learned on a smartphone is often less likely to be applied effectively in different contexts.
Social Interactions
- Decreased Empathy: Increased smartphone use can lead to poorer social skills. People may struggle to read facial expressions and engage in meaningful conversations, which are essential for building relationships.
- Addiction and Distraction: The addictive nature of smartphones can lead to constant interruptions, making it difficult to engage fully with others or focus on tasks.
Conclusion
Overall, mobile phones and the internet can negatively affect intelligence by impairing concentration, memory, and social interactions. This reliance on technology may hinder our ability to think critically and independently.”
The internet has so much potential and so few people use it for that potential. This I researched just to confirm what I had already found out. If anything it does not go far enough in how most peoples use of smartphones actually reduce critical thinking or peoples ability to think in general, as it also narrows the scope of thought, and possibilities.
Maybe this is the best place to continue-
Yes, mobile phones and the internet can make people less intelligent by reducing our ability to concentrate, think critically, and remember information, as they often serve as cognitive crutches that discourage independent thinking. Studies show that the mere presence of a smartphone can negatively impact cognitive performance and social interactions.
Impact of Mobile Phones on Intelligence
Cognitive Performance
Mobile phones and the internet can diminish our cognitive abilities in several ways:
- Reduced Concentration: The presence of a smartphone can distract users, leading to decreased focus on tasks. Studies indicate that even when phones are silent, their proximity can lower cognitive performance.
- Cognitive Crutches: Smartphones often serve as tools that reduce the need for independent thinking. People may rely on them for quick answers instead of engaging in critical thinking or problem-solving.
Memory and Learning
- Memory Impairment: Research shows that individuals who keep their phones nearby tend to remember less information compared to those who do not. This suggests that smartphones can interfere with our ability to retain and recall information.
- Learning Transfer: Learning through digital devices may not translate well to real-world applications. For instance, information learned on a smartphone is often less likely to be applied effectively in different contexts.
Social Interactions
- Decreased Empathy: Increased smartphone use can lead to poorer social skills. People may struggle to read facial expressions and engage in meaningful conversations, which are essential for building relationships.
- Addiction and Distraction: The addictive nature of smartphones can lead to constant interruptions, making it difficult to engage fully with others or focus on tasks.
Conclusion
Overall, mobile phones and the internet can negatively affect intelligence by impairing concentration, memory, and social interactions. This reliance on technology may hinder our ability to think critically and independently.
People think they are right even if they know nothing,
And when they are proved to be wrong,
They get angry and try to twist things,
Rather than learn from the experience,
Which shows a totally lack of engagement,
With not only any form of learning,
but a total lack of engagement with any kind thought process.
This next seems appropriate.
Art education workshop
At a party at The Riverside Studios where Gill (Gillian Burton) worked, from a long time ago also when the Riverside Studios was different much more arts and with an international reputation. Had a dance with the head of the education at the Riverside and she asked me if I would like to do an education workshop for the gallery. I said why not.
A few days later Gill turns around and says to me ‘why are they getting excited about you coming into do an education workshop’. Are they how would I know. ‘They never talk about me that way and I work with them, neither do they talk about the people who usually do the education workshops.’ What are they saying ? ‘That it really exciting you coming into do a workshop and it’s probably going to be great’. Well that’s nice to hear, why are you making an issue of it, we are in a relationship and live together, isn’t good they think well of me. I had this kind of conversation on going with Gill bitching and moaning about the arts workshop I was going to do and how the people she worked with were buzzing about it.
Day of the art workshop, arrive at the Riverside and set up the materials, in the designated room. And then g downstairs t meet the teachers and children and the education assistant. Already knew the education assistant really nice woman. There were two teachers the normal teacher and the special needs teacher. Then there were 10 maybe 15 children all 10 years old.
To start off we took them around the gallery, well me technically since I was giving the workshop, but the teachers and education assistant came around with us.
I talked a little bit about the work in the gallery which was mostly conceptual work. And then asked the children what they made of it. They were remarkably articulate and insightful. I thought some of their comments were better than some critics I had met. The children were all infused and then we went up to the room where they were going to make some art themselves. I gave them the choice to work 2 dimensionally or 3 dimensionally. They chose about half and half. I gave them a little talk about instead of making things they know, try to make things from their imagination. The materials I had gotten were paints, wicker canes, plaster and plaster bandage. And lots of large ice cream tubs cut down so they were shallow. I mixed the plaster and poured some into the ice cream tubs, that was the ones that were doing painting. I decided they would paint into wet plaster like a fresco. The there half of the children that had decided they wanted to do 3 dimensional work, were going to work with wicker cane plaster and plaster bandages to make sculptures and paint if they wanted to add colour. Obviously I was helping in that I cut the cane to length but the rest left to them. Before they started they all had what looked like an old shirt from their fathers that they put on back to front and then they started. I couldn’t believe how excited they were, children and laughing, when they started the two teachers with them and the education assistant asked if they could join the workshop and make things as well. I said of course. They were running to each other and talking about their ideas, occasionally calling to me to help them with something but generally did everything on their own. By the end of the workshop they had all produced things from their imagination, I remember only one boy decided to make a house, sculpture of a house. After they had finished and were tidying up I spoke with the teachers because I was a bit confused why they were classed as special needs. They were all bright intelligent children and were articulate as well.
Th teachers said they had never seen the like they were in the art workshop. Most of them hardly spoke in school and didn’t interact they had been here at the workshop and they said that little blonde girl that kept say sir or Russell to ask you to help her never speaks in school. I asked whether problems with home life. They said they have all been checked and everything seems good. I said but these are really bright children, what is going on. They said they didn’t know. They also the teachers told me that they had never enjoyed taking the kids on an art workshop so much and they really loved making some things themselves. They and the children all thanked me and picked up the art they had made and left. Me and the education assistant cleaned up. Later when I went downstairs the woman on reception told me when they all trooped down including teachers laughing and talking with the things they had made carrying with smiles. The receptionist said that she had never seen kids and teachers so happy after a workshop and still full of energy. Later the education assistant and the head of education fr the Riverside thanked me and told me that was the best talk and art workshop they had ever had.
What I realised afterwards was if it wasn’t problems at their homes and backgrounds there was only ne other explanation. They were away from their school and with their normal teacher and special needs one. And apparently they totally transformed, to the extent their teachers were both shocked and happy to see like it. And all those children were above average intelligence. Obvious really it was the other children at their school bullying and harassing them because they were brighter than they were. Not that I said that to their teachers or the staff at the Riverside, though I am sure I was not the only one that realised that.
After the art workshop and Gill, she was bad enough before I did the workshop after she was worse apparently lots of staff around that day saw the children and their teachers leave plus the feedback from the school and what the education assistant said. Gill started telling me the people she worked with thought I was wonderful and they liked me even more than they did before. She went on and on. I said isn’t that better than doing a shit workshop, wouldn’t that have ben worse for you. She said maybe not having everyone at work going on about how wonderful you are and what an amazing workshop is not good for me. They like you more than they do me. I told her that was rubbish.
Before I did then workshop she had already gone about how her friends preferred talking to me rather than her. So I had virtually stopped talking to her friends just to hello and bye. Then she had started having a go at me about not talking to her friends and they thought I didn’t like them.
The Riverside were talking about more education workshops, and then the head of education asked me in the meantime would I be interested in being the design supervisor for the youth theatre group that was based there, who were all between 18 & 25, from what I can remember. Apparently then guys who were organising the next production hd asked her if I would be interested. They ha met me before and obviously knew Gill. One was producing and the other directing. Which I agreed to do as thought it would fun. One was a rather camp black guy and the other one was a more strait laced white guy, also they were friends. Though at one stage I had to talk to them about their roles as producer and director as they kept interfering with what each of them. I had to interview a bunch of students at St.Martins doing stage design for one of them to do the stage design for the production. And also had a very funny conversation with a rather hot black woman who was the make up. She was a professional make up artist who I met up at the riverside as she had already been selected. And instead of discussing the make up etc we had a as said very fun conversation. Apparently she was Lou Reed’s favourite make up artist when ever he came to England for a show, perform. Though from what she said it wasn’t just the make up he was interested in and she had to diplomatically decline his other interests in her. As I said she was rather hot. She said Lou Reed was actually a really nice guy and they got on well when working together but he made it clear he had the hots for her.
She did ask me what I was going to be doing as the design supervisor. I said well at the moment I have just interviewed and chosen a student from St.Martins to do the set design, and I have a few ideas to get them started. I appear to be supervising the guy producing and the guy directing to stop them arguing. And she said and what are you going to do with me. Which made me burst out laughing the way she said it. And I told her to behave, which made her laugh. I then said I can come a few ideas to do with you. Which made both of us laugh.
Gill was mixed race though now people would just say black. She was less happy than about the art workshop. She was getting even more rude abusive and nasty but still wanted sex regularly.
I never really realised how poisonous lying abusive deceitful nasty and vile gill really was and from what I can gather even worse than she was now if that is possible. I always thought she would get better and improve with time, become a better person though she didn’t. She claimed to love me on many occasions, though that often made me wonder wha she meant by love and how she thought of it.
One time Gill talked to me probably one of her most honest times, about how I didn’t think like most people and cared to much and wanted to help people and make the world a better place. She said most people don’t think like that are small and mean, selfish and self centred just trying to survive and fucking each other over. She said I don’t even understand half of what you talk about when you start talking theory and a world of possibilities you’re brilliant and just don’t understand what most people are like. The world you describe Gill sounds like a horrible place I prefer mine. I thought some time later she was talking about herself as well as most people.
I just thought of something really funny after Gill left me and totally fucked me over and then got in touch with me again, she said when we weren’t together she used to masturbate and always think about having sex with me, and she said she felt guilty about that. The only admission that she did something wrong. I wouldn’t be surprised if when she had sex with other people she would think about having sex with me. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if we ever saw each other again that she would still want to have sex with me. Fucked up but true.
Cats and hatred.
People think cats are pets, where as cats think humans are their pets and there to make their lives as comfortable and easy as possible. It is not unusual for cats to have more than one home, so they have more humans to indulge them.
Maybe I should fly to Madrid and see what the Spanish authorities have to say for themselves. Was intending to once I had some money again. Though I was expecting lots. Still am.
Americano trash talking trash.
One of my first experiences in Spain after I moved my mother there, and after I was told not to talk to the expats because they were a nasty bunch. Was getting fit in the sun. Lots of walking, and back to wearing clothes that fit me when I was 20. I been walking for a while and it was hot. I saw a taverna by the side f the road and walked in and asked for a bottle of ice cold larger. And then sat down. A couple started talking to me, English and the guy started saying that he had never seen someone walk into a bar with such confidence. I said I just walked in and ordered, nothing special. He said it was the way you did it, it was like watching someone out of a film. The couple were probably around 40. They invited me back to their villa for a drink. They told me about themselves, he was divorced and the woman was his girlfriend and not his wife. Started getting a bit of a weird vibe. So was the woman the guy started saying to me he didn’t know whether to wrestle me or hug me. I said neither please. I looked at his girlfriend and she said I have never seen him like this not sure what is going on. I sort of laughed and said I should be going. He was saying we should do this again, ermm. I left with the girlfriend sort of apologising for his strange behaviour. I remember they had a modern mini car. So I used to look out for it incase they were still around. Never saw them again.
Cats, Arielle apart from going on about suicide all the time use to go on about being my cat. When she was around where I was staying there was a flat roof terence and I had to say to her she wasn’t allowed to come outside when I was smoking there. As on more than one occasion she had come out naked and jumped on me. So when I asked her not to she used to sit at the terrace doors meowing at me. She wanted to buy a dress and asked me to ring up and see if the order had come in. Which it had so she asked me to go to Knightsbridge with her and help her to decide to buy it or not. I not going to bother writing everything that happened, but we ended up at an Italian designers shop, where she tried on a dress made out of Chantilly lace. It was £2,000 and when she asked me I said she looked good in it but the dress looked like a giant doily, and I much preferred the one she had tried on by a French designer a bandage dress. She decided on the Italian dress for £2,000 and then she didn’t have enough money in her account, and made a phone call, and after a bit of time bought it. Then the shop asked her to fill in their visitors book, for customers and filled out as occupation ‘Cat’ owner Russell Hand. One of the people in the shop asked me if we were part of a circus. I said No just go with it, otherwise she will get upset. She left the bag and receipt at mine when she went home and I got a phone call from her the following day saying she decided I was right about the dress and she was going to try and return it. Pretty woman managed to after picking up the bag and receipt and going with her parents to the shop, not sure what she told them she never said. Though why I mention pretty woman, sure that helped. It was only after she disappeared on me some time later it crossed my mind she was hoping I was going to pay for the dress, at the time I could have quite easily but that isn’t going to happen, and I didn’t even think of it at the time. Wasn’t going to happen because we were only together because she kept telling me she would kill herself if we weren’t plus I didn’t like the dress. One of the reasons I have referred to her since as the cat with many names, as she has changed it a few times. At the time she told me it was going to be her wedding dress fr when we got married. She also once asked me to buy a collar and leash for her, I said that wasn’t happening.
I remember talking to Eve about her, though then I didn’t tell her her name. I asked her if she knew what was going on. Woman who was supposed to be modelling for my art nude turns up decides she likes me instead, and says she was suicidal before she met me and now we are together she doesn’t want to die anymore. She is a suicidal virgin, we never have sex, I buy her a few dinners and then one day she disappears on me and the last thing she says is I still feel like dying, which worried the shit out of me. Eve says there are women like that who try to get things out of a man, no sex just leave things hanging and expect to be bought gifts. I said well I bought her a few nice meals and she never actually asked me to buy anything other than a leash and collar for her and she kept saying she was my cat. Which made Eve laugh, as I explained about the cat thing. It was only later when weird shit was going on, that I told Eve her name, ,and she got back to me with a link saying she is on here and her name is now Ava instead of Arielle, the website was called pretty liars and had woman from all over the world who were known liars. She said if she is trying to cause you shit nobody in their right mind would believe her, so it might be her or could be coming from somewhere else. Eve was also an art nude model I worked with and got on really well with. The website doesn’t exist anymore. I did ask Eve why would she target me though, she said well you have shown with Damien Hirst and Banksy, are a brilliant artist so potentially could be really rich. That was one of the reasons I wasn’t surprised when one of her ex’s got in touch with me and told me Arielle had pulled the same suicide trick on the son of a billionaire. With Arielle I was more than aware she was lying about things just not to what extent. I did tell her at one stage she might be very pretty but I have in the past had Alison Goldfrapp of Goldfrapp hit on me and a few years later Baby Spice.
On hatred. Bernadette Buckley once said to me, she had a friend who was the descendant of French dukes, an ex model, charming sophisticated, was extremely intelligent and doing a PhD at the University behind the Royal Albert hall, have to check and put it in. And then she said nobody likes him either. I said you don’t like me, she said of course I like you. What I didn’t think at the time when she said everyone nobody likes and hates me. Was that included my friends James Ravenhall and Adam Jaaback, looking back at some of the ‘banter’ and some of the things that have happened since is that maybe that did include them.
Now knowing about what Arielle Ava de Lacy is or her real original name Gemma Lacey, that she is a pathological liar narcissist and psychopath incredibly vindictive to ex’s in every way. Arielle is a stain on humanity a total piece of trash. A neighbour Parham told me a photographer he knows worked with her and did I think she was a prostitute. Not sure what he knows as he didn’t elaborate, but knowing what I do now, calling her a prostitute would be an insult to prostitutes. Arielle is a shits smear. As for the idiots that believe someone like her as Eve said they are idiots. I think that due to her I have pieces of shit Muslims India Blacks and Whites being involved in spreading lies about me. Which would include the trash lying expats down in Albox in Spain.
While in Greece recently in 2026 I talked to a woman or as much she talked to me, she insisted we have a drink together as I was leaving. We had spoken earlier. She told me her name was Macy, she was half Philippine and half white Australian, was 25 almost 26, and because of her face that most people thought she looked innocent, which she said she wasn’t, anything but. Macy was an attractive woman, one of the prettier ones I had seen in Greece. She said she wasn’t with any of the 3 guys she was hanging out with as they were really boring and often did things she regretted the following day. Macy also said to me she thought I didn’t like Australian because earlier I was making jokes about them before. I laughed and said banter she virtually shouted I love banter. Now I thought Macy was a nice woman, though I was unconvinced that she liked me as she implied. What I liked about Macy was how honest she was about using her attractiveness to get what she wanted, which included using the fact people people thought she was all sweet and innocent, which she clear she wasn’t. She was also surprised when I said that I thought she seemed more intelligent that she pretended. As Macy said most people didn’t think she was intelligent, that probably being due to her sweet innocent pretence. Which I perceived to not be quite who she was before she told me how she used that sweet innocent persona and how she used it to manipulate situations.
I grew up thinking girls and women were the equal of boys and man. That still hasn’t changed. What has changed it that girls and women are not all sweet and innocent and boys and men are not. Then saying that I never believed girls and woman or some were all sweetness and light and innocent, since I went to a mixed school of boys and girls. And some girls like some men were neither honest or pleasant, though naively I thought that was just the place I was in and went to school at the time. Some what naively and innocently thinking hoping other places were different. Which hasn’t turned out to be the case.
One person I briefly talked to in Greece was a Greek woman who I thought was very attractive and also I liked because she was also or come from and art and fashion background that I realise I have always had a nearly exclusive preference for because of my own background. Basically commonality, similar interests and passions.
My older sister Janet. When we were children she was manipulative bullying lying and could be quite nasty, and always had to be the centre of attention. She would want to play then would pinch punch and pull my hair then when I went to retaliate she would run to our mother and claim I was doing to her what she was doing to me. Kids you may think that’s what happens. She also use to terrorise our younger sister by telling her abut the ghost nighty before she went to bed they used to give her terrible nightmares. When we were on holiday once when no one was around she pushed me in the deep end of the swimming pool and laughed when I kept going up and down and swallowing water. I was a good swimmer but our school pool was evenly only 3 foot deep over its entire length and after I struggled to the side and got out she said she did me a favour and I wouldn’t worry about being out of my depth again I you also did various similar things when we were children. And when we were teenagers I now realise it was her stirring and causing trouble between our parents. There has been recent research done that states clearly that a couple are far more likely to break up if they have a teenage girl as opposed to a teenage boy. She always complained about boys getting preferential treatment over girls which never happened in our family. When I was swimming a lot though I wasn’t doing much gymnastics at the time she mentioned I use to be a skinny little thing, soon after that a lot of the boys in her year that were her friends started threatening me. Which at the time I found strange since they were her friends and I was her younger brother. They used to do it on mass like 8 or ten of them. That didn’t bother me really I just thought was strange. I knew she could be poisonous about people as some of the things she used to say even about women that were her friends. As we got older she always had be the best in the family at whatever. And she really didn’t like not getting her own way. One of her favourite terms she used to go on with were ‘boys are bollocks’. Her and my brother Richard use to bicker at each other over family dinners about who was into what first and who was right. At one stage her friend Tess who used to do performance with her and I also used to know told me my sister Janet was belittling me to everyone she knew in the art world and more or less saying I was a simpleton. She always use to go on about how she helped me all the time until I turned around and said actually I helped you a lot you have hardly ever helped me with anything. At which point she turned around to me and said I was being petty and talking like it was on balance scales. Her friend Jackie who lived with a software engineer who made lots of money and had various houses, wanted to be a writer, Janet said about Jackie her friend she has nothing to do all day and is totally looked after and still can’t writ anything. Dell and John who I used to know and get on with though they were Janet’s friends she used to be bitchy about as well. When I put a search in with some of the things my sister use to do to her younger siblings I was rather surprised because at the top was a result, and apparently it is not that unusual. Happens about 7% to 8% of families when younger siblings are born and is a form of narcissistic personality disorder. Which can continue into adulthood. Which in my sister Janet’s case has definitely happened. She is still highly manipulative lying abusive and also being creepy crawly if she thought it would get her own way. After my mother was ill I said to Janet I don’t mind helping but our mother is my main priority now. After that she used to say to me I might not be your main priority now but could you help me with this. Which I thought was really off, one she had never been my main priority she was my sister so I helped her sometimes.
Before my mother was ill, my father had died a long time before. My sister had a house with her partner John, they were never married. This is such a good example of Janet. She had a house at Kissamos on Crete and my mother was going with my younger sister and asked me to sort out flights for them. When I looked I found it was cheaper to book a weeks holiday in an apartment half way between Chania and Kissamos. And since Lisa my younger sister drives I even got a deal on a car for the week. So off they went. I saw them when they got back and they looked miserable and pissed off. I said what’s wrong wasn’t the holiday apartment nice and no trouble with the car. They said the flight was fine and though because they had a car booked the coach that was supposed to take the people to the holiday apartments left before they did. Though they fund the apartments after driving and asking a few people. They parked up and were shown to the apartment in the complex. They said it was really nice two beds a little kitchenette, lounge with chairs, a little space outside and some steps leading down to the swimming pool in the middle of the apartments. The pool even had stools and a bar on a level so you could sit in the pool at the bar and have a drink. I am wondering what happened all sounds good so far. Lisa had changed and was sitting in the pool with a drink my mother is sitting by the pool relaxing and talking to people just settling in. Then apparently Janet and John turn up and Janet says let’s go. And starts on about how they had come to see the and stay in their house. After I had booked the holiday and they saw the pictures of the apartment and I had booked them a car. They thought they would stay there and drive over to see Janet John and their house over a couple of days but spend most of the time in the apartment and around the pool and maybe the two of them would have a little look of the sites. Instead what happened is Janet turned up and somehow managed to bully them into leaving the apartment that evening and drive them all back to Janet and John’s house. Where my mother had to share a bed with Janet John slept upstairs and not sure where Lisa slept maybe in the bed with Janet and our other. Then Janet had an itinerary planed out for them and of course Lisa doing the driving. So instead of staying in the comfortable apartment and seeing Janet a couple of days and relaxing. They had bad sleep Lisa driving and Janet deciding what they were doing. They came back tired pissed off and unhappy. I said why did you let her bully you ? Apparently it all happened so fast and Janet going on about how they had come to see her and the house and sort of bullying and blackmailing them they gave in and were really really sorry they did. They said it would have been perfect staying in the apartment and only doing a bit of driving and relaxing instead of what happened. They didn’t even tell Janet how pissed off they were. They said typical Janet, and thought she did them a favour and helped them have a great time. They kept saying how lovely the apartment was I had booked them, and they thought fondly of it while staying at Janet’s and Lisa said she really wished I hadn’t booked the car since what happened, she really didn’t enjoy driving Janet and John around.
Things got even worse with Janet she have an argument with John ad then say it was me. I said I was there you were arguing with John not me. Another really weird thing with my sister Janet she would tell me she was prettier than anyone that liked me or I was seeing. Which I found really creepy, until I realised she actually believed it, which to put it one way is pure comedy. Lots of other shit like that from her. And then she gets sacked from a senior post at Goldsmiths College where a lot of famous artist came out of. Sacked for bullying another lecturer, who was a woman. At the time I believed her when she said it wasn’t true she didn’t bully them. Since with some of the shit she did with my mother I believe whole heartedly she was bullying and not just the womanish was sacked over but a lot of other people at Goldsmiths.
I actually went and stayed at her house in Kissamos on Crete before she sold it. I was there for almost a month and was going a bit stir crazy as I was used to hoping Islands. She was selling the house as her and John had split up. She came out right near the end of my stay there and told me mother wanted to move somewhere sunny. Didn’t particularly surprise me as my mother couldn’t stand the cold anymore. And my mother wanted me to sort it out. Think that was 2008. So we looked at a few places in Kissamos though I doubted my mother would want to move there she didn’t exactly have fond memories of her standing there with Janet. Also Paul had been out there with John and hadn’t had the best time. So when I got back I saw my mother and she said she wanted to move to the sun and wanted me to sort it out. She also said if I did and sorted and sold the house for her she would give me £100,000 which surprised me, but she said after I had done for her and was going to she wanted to.
I mentioned this to Janet and she said O you can use it to pay off the other half of my mortgage. I said probably not and I might not even take it. Any way the hunt was on to find my mother some place in the sun. Though I love the Greek Islands and have travelled around them many times I know that for most severe conditions everyone has to go to Athens. And since my mother if anything went wrong would need a brain surgeon, it probably cancelled them out. I still looked though and even mentioned Kissamos on Crete both my mother and my oldest brother Paul immediately said NO. Paul was my mother’s main carer, and I sort of looked after them when I was around. Something struck me just now, my mother after my father died said to me ‘Please don’t let anyone put me in an old peoples home’. Which I never understood until much later and why she thought it. Anyway I checked properties in Greece Italy and Spain on the internet and discussed things with my mother and brother since they would be living there. I thought she would want an old property but after a while it was Southern Italy or southern Spain. My mother eventually said I want one of them there. Which happened to be a modern villa in the mountains of Spain. I had to sort out a loan as my mother had spent nearly all her money and moving mad sense because even with the house paid for the bills especially having the heating go full blast 24/7 all year round and the council tax and electricity they were all adding up. So I drove down to the place she had selected and started to look. O my other brother was totally unconvinced about my other moving to another country and seemed to think it was something to do with me which I didn’t get as I wasn’t even in the country when she decided to move. Also where she selected was inland but near the coast in the mountains and away from the Viva Espania crowd. I thought mostly Spanish. Anyway she had given me very specific instructions on what she wanted which made me laugh. She wanted a white walled villa for privacy with a swimming pool big enough t swim in rather than a small plunge pool. Preferably just outside of a town. After checking a few places and not really liking what I saw, and on the day my mother was flying in to Granada, originally I thought she would want to be more inland. I was being showed properties by an English estate agent who showed me a few, and then I said what is the best one you have, I was running out of time. He showed me the perfect villa for my mother even had virtually no step out the back door to the area around the swimming pool with a white wall around and then more space and a fence around the whole property with a great view and 5 minutes drive outside town. I said I will lease it. Lease rather than buy as I didn’t want any maintenance on the property to have to do. Anyway the agent said fine though he was a bit miffed he couldn’t do the big reveal at the end showing me his best properties. Not really though, he helped me unload all the stuff in the car I had driven down with mostly my mothers things, toilet stand etc. And then started driving back to town. He said stop here and I did and we had a bottle of the local ice cold larger and he said one thing I said what he said don’t talk to the expats they are a nasty bunch. Well a bit worrying but they are all down on the coast there can’t be that many up here. Went to his office signed the contract paid the money go the keys. And he told me to go to the supermarket which was the best in town. Went to the supermarket went back up to the villa turned all the outside lights on including the ones in the swimming pool and then started driving to Granada. Up through the mountains higher and higher up through snow and realising I am running later but going as fast as I could without being dangerous. It is quite a drive one I had only done many years before. I had hit the motorway and speeded up. Still massive drops on the side and going up and down and nearing Granada the phone starts ringing can’t really answered it as I am driving fast and it is dark by now but goes on and on ringing and then starting again I finally come out at Granada and drive down down down towards the airport the phone starts constantly ringing again. Finally make the airport and drive to th drop off pick up point and there is my mother Paul and Janet. Sitting outside on a warm night eating ice cream. It was Janet that was continually ringing my phone. Janet wasn’t even supposed to be there I had booked flights for my mother and Paul, Janet decided to come along as well. Apparently she started ringing me when they landed and wouldn’t stop. I obviously wasn’t going not to come and get my mother. And as I said to Janet I couldn’t answer as I was driving, and around mountains and cliffs in the dark. Drive back to the villa all lit up and I open the gate into the courtyard with all the lights on and my mother says is this for me. I say of course she said it is beautiful which makes me happy.
Janet at some time after she got sacked from Goldsmith’s she eventually did a teaching English as a foreign language course and with her background could get good posts. My mother is ill off and on and is in hospital a few times. Janet comes down then as a bit of a pain in the arse trying to tell Paul what to do all the time etc… At one stage you calls me a thing for moving mother to Spain where according to her I always wanted to live, I never wanted to live in Spain my sister Lisa did. Richard and Ferha never come down and only ever talked to my mother twice once when I was am in London and get them to Skype and once when I ring them from Spain. Though as I explained to them the phone has a dual number a Spanish one and a London one so they could ring anytime and it would be a local call. Lisa comes down once and complains she is bored. So much for coming to see their mother. One not at all and one once and saying they are bored. Janet gets worse again saying she never liked Spain. I am down there much more than I intended and for longer making sure my mother and Paul are alright and when I leave they ask me to stay longer. Janet turns up after what appear to be mini strokes my mother has had but the doctors are not sure because the scans they take they are not sure of the damage from before she came to Spain. Janet when she is down starts trying to convince my mother to move to France and buy a large house there so Janet can set up a language school there and it gets to the stage that she is virtually trying to bully my mother into it. I ask her to stop and she accuses me of interfering with her talking and having a relationship with her mother. Every time I am there and Janet is the same thing. Her trying to get my mother to move and buy a house for Janet to set up a language school. If my mother doesn’t agree with her apparently she is not in her right mind if she does then she is fine. Each time after Janet leaves the room and goes to her bedroom my asks me I don’t have to move do I, I love living here. I say darling you do what you want if you want to move I will move you if you want to stay stay. Janet is becoming less and less welcome each time she comes. I did think of moving my mother and Paul to Italy at one stage and mention it and they say if I want to they are fine with it. Janet and wanting my mother to sink all her money into a house is not right nor is it practical. Enough of my friends run business and for a new one ideally you need three years worth of capital to run it at a loss before you start making money, plus actually researching where to start business and whether there is the demand. I say that to Janet and let’s just say she is extremely rude , and says what do I know. Also a lot of the French I have known and met think their language is the best and most beautiful in the world and a lot of French aren’t that interested in learning English and if they want to they go to England to learn. I once met someone that went to Manchester to learn English and ended up with such a fuck up accent it was comical as they had their original accent mixed with a Mancunian accent and were really difficult to understand. Later it transpires that while I was in Crete Janet had convinced my mother to mov abroad and was expecting her to move to Kissamos where she originally wanted my mother to buy a large house so Janet could set up a language school. I was a thing because in her eyes I foiled her plans and moved our mother to Spain, which she accused me of being my idea. And then when she decided she wanted to open a language school in France I was the one interfering with her plans. Plan I knew nothing about till much later. Which is why she got more and more abusive to me, also to Paul and more and more bullying towards my mother and trying to manipulate her. She also appeared to hate me more and more. I even at one stage she asked me to go and view a house in France fr her that she had been looking at and the price had drastically been reduced. But they wouldn’t sell it to someone unless they viewed it. Because of that I had to leave London drive to Dover get a ferry that very day she asked drive none stop to Burgundy through the night and then find the people looking after the house for the owners who showed me around convince them that yes Janet wanted it and then let Janet know she had it and then drove down to my mothers. Might as well since I was a good way there. Janet said thank you so much this is life changing. When I told Paul that he said I wonder how long that would last. I transferred the money to her account so she could buy it outright. Two months later she told me it wasn’t a big deal and I was going that way anyway. Paul laughed when I told him and said two months longer than I thought it would take. After my mother died Janet wanted to keep the house in France and have a full share of the money, saying she would pay everyone back over time for the house. That came through my brother Richard as Janet wasn’t speaking to me by then, after the falling out the Christmas after my mother died when I ended up being angry because none of the three, Janet Richard Lisa wanted to know how my mother died or anything about how she lived in Spain. All they talked about was having a nice little service for my mother who wasn’t religious and money. And I wasn’t alone wondering if Janet got a full share of the money whether any of us would see much or any money for the house in France. I’m sure she went ballistic when Richard told Janet I said NO. I mean Janet the poisonous lying manipulative bulling piece of shit was and is a revolting person who some people think is nice, they don’t know her. After she was sacked from Goldsmith’s all then art people she knew stopped talking to her and I don’t think it was because she was sacked, I think it was more to do with what she was like with them and her general controlling attitude and because she had power before she was sacked and no longer did, so I think a number of them thought she can go where the sun don’t shine. I forget to mention Janet has always also been a control freak since we were kids. Everything always had to be her way or it was because she was a woman. And as I said just pumping into a search about what he was liked as a child brought up a form of narcissistic personality disorder that around 7% of children suffer from with younger siblings ad can lead to the death of a younger sibling by accident of course. Was Janet that bad I don’t know, I always knew she was poisonous but never thought it would be aimed at me to such a degree. Paul can’t stand her and the only person he now trusts is me.
Charli Howard was and is anything but sweet and innocent as well, when I knew her she was extremely manipulative lying narcissistic and abusive calling anyone a cunt who did not do what she wanted, even if rather stupid. Also the times she called me and was complaining about things she also told me about all the toilets and general places she had sex with so many men it made me feel ill. Neither of those to women were innocent in the least.
Just because someone is young and a female does not mean they are innocent. In fact always interesting having a conversation with a teacher.
The last phone call I got from Charli Howard when we were still talking lasted over an hour with her screaming and shouting down the phone saying she had been drugged up and drunk all summer and had been fucked by so many men she couldn’t even remember how many. I said or tried to between the hysteria on the phone, I thought you went to see a counsellor like I had suggested, you said he was in Stratford. Apparently he was a useless cunt. I kept saying why to was screaming about why she had been doing what can I do tried to help you, what more could I do. Not that she was really listening more venting I didn’t really understand why she was ringing and telling me this or how she thought I could do anything about it. So I listen and listened and ask well it was you doing n body forced you, she said no but the fucking drugs and drink. I tried to ask her why the counsellor was useless after all why I had originally suggested getting professional help. She just said they were a cunt and useless and that she was still doing what she was doing before. Eventually she rung off. Weird she wasn’t crying just screaming and shouting.
Then I remember when I got a phone call from her from an airport where she told me she was off to eastern Europe to get her nose done. Apparently I said when she had mentioned it in the past that if she had a nose job she would just look like every other model. While she was talking to me she stated telling me she wasn’t wearing any underwear and some guy was staring and the way she was sitting he could see right up her dress. Why she thought I wanted to know that I have not a clue, then she said laughing she had to go. And if Charli was running to her usual form she probably went off and had sex with him in the toilets. She had told me about something similar in the past when that is exactly what happened. Then there was the time she rung me and said Don’t be surprised if you see me in the Sun Newspaper as I am going out with and Indian popstar I said wonderful and she rang off. Afterwards I just thought I don’t read the Sun and why the fuck would I give a shit. Her parents actually knew what she was like her mouther use to tell Charli she had a blowjob mouth, weird thing for a mother to say to their daughter. Even though Charli rung me once and told me she was back at her parents and had been working at a customer service call centre and the cunts had sacked her. I could imagine why Charli getting pissed off tryinng to be nice to people on the phone and eventually calling them cunts. Anyway she told me she went to see the doctor to get antidepressants as she was feeling like shit. The doctor asked her if she didn’t have any friends and she told the doctor only one me. Not sure if that was true but sad if it was. I never got the impression Charli even liked me when we worked together. I know we met up a few time for drinks and I tried to talk to her about what she kept telling me she was doing, why I suggested a drugs and alcohol counsellor. And on looking like any other model. Not sure what modelling agency Charli is with now but if you look at the boards with the models faces before you click on their profiles Charli’s doesn’t stand out at all. Some models jump out not Charli. Since I used to shoot fashion so I had to spend time looking at the different agency boards to see about models to shoot.
I should also mention since I was asked several times adamantly that I had to think the Greek woman, the fashion person in Greece recently was beautiful, which I wouldn’t say. Let’s put it this way she was prettier than Charli and had a better personality. I say that even if she wasn’t serious when she said she liked me.
Russell Hand 2026 ©®
Russell Hand © ®